A fairly quiet rant

HEADS UP! Dear readers, I am about to take this to a personal level, and just want to let you know, this blog will be about dating and the stuff that goes along with it.

So, if you are easily offended by explicit language, or sexual overtones…. please do not read beyond this paragraph.  I don’t want you to stop following my blog.  I just want to vent!

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Some details you all should know: I am a single woman with a career.  That is where the similarities between me and other women who are professionals ( o.O not that kind of pro!  geez) end for the most part.

Being a clown has its rewards for sure.  But some of the drawbacks really suck!  Suck worse than a black hole into becoming the mysterious dark matter.  What could suck about being a Clown? DATING!  Yeah, we have lives outside our face and costume.  Lives we like to live as normal as we possibly can.

Clowns are one of the few careers where people will hate you upon first sight.  Won’t even give you a chance to charm your way into their lives.  They just completely shut down.  Why?  because they are “afraid” of Clowns.

Afraid of a goofy girl in exciting clothing, ridiculous shoes, and a lot of make up.  As if I have been the first woman to do this…

It makes dating a real hassle.

There have been countless times where I will meet a guy, and things are going great.  The chemistry is flowing, the conversation is deep and though provoking, then it will happen.  He will ask the Question: “So what do you do for a living?”

I dread this part! I try to leave it as “I am an entertainer.”  But here in Portland, that just means that I am a stripper.  Then the obligatory “I am not a stripper.  Though I do dance.”  This only intrigues them more.

That’s when I have to break the news. (Now here is the thing… this usually happens via text because we are in the modern era of communication) “I am a Clown.”

This is when I get back nothing.  Radio silence.  Done.

I get that whole “then he wasn’t the right guy!” (said very nasaly).

Fucking DUH!  Why did have to be so awesome to begin with then.. ass hat!

Now, I get that my career isn’t for everyone to understand or like.  Fine.  Haters will be haters.  There is always another side tot he story. For every one coulrophobe there are 20 coulrofilia.  Freaks that like to get freaky with clowns.  There is even clown porn.  And you know what?  I am fine with it’s existence, that doesn’t mean I want to be any part of it.

I do not walk into the fireman’s brigade and say “Come on hot stuff let’s screw while you are on duty!”  Nor do I tackle the produce guy at my local produce store… as hot as he is, he is at WORK.

It’s a tricky balance, and if forced to choose betwixt being a clown or someones one and only, I will always choose to be a Clown.

Then there are those who are easily offended by open sexuality.  These are the real problem people.  The ones who ask me if I think my costume is appropriate for children.  Smeggin’ hell!  I’m not appropriate for small children! My routine is about adult situations and adult choices, and adult humor.  Children should learn all that from their parents! And why are they bringing their kids to bars?

In defense of my costume… I have traveled around the globe, and watched thousands of children s television shows.  In several countries, women’s bodies are not hidden under conservative flannel pinafores and nuns habits. Instead they are glorified and made beautiful.  Full figured women too, not skinny boney model types.  Besides, the children love me, they cant get past my face!

So this is a big screw you to all the ass holes who think clowns are scary.

And here is a big fuck you to the ones who think I am a stripper.

And to you sick fucks that think children’s minds are corrupted enough to think dirty things about clowns…  seek professional help.